Vetting, or "Who are you to say I can't come to the party?" .... from Kenova's Member's Only Blog ...

Vetting, or "Who are you to say I can't come to the party?" .... from Kenova's Member's Only Blog ...

Cassie received a message today about a party she's throwing at the house. Apparently, requiring people to step up and give the names of people who can vouch for them? That's "elitist". That's "wrong".

No, my friend. That’s “Vetting”.

Philadelphia's murder rate rose 23% this year. It's still rising - and we're doing better than many cities, given the economic crisis' impact on law enforcement hiring. The rape percentages are up, violent crime is increasing after years of decrease, and stories of corruption among law enforcement, government, and private sector are all daily news. The days when you could assume your fellow American is decent, lawful and trustworthy are long over.

Within the scene, in the last year we've had major community leaders lose their minds and flip out publicly. We've had brave souls come forward and open up multi-victim scandals that had been completely ignored. We've watched as known sexual predators become advertised instructors and "trusted" mentors. There has been violence between members of an exclusive "play group", and there have been multiple faces dropping out of the scene in disgust. So even in this “brotherhood” lifestyle, we are prey to the truth that predators are among us.

I'm not saying these things to be depressing.
I'm not saying these things to point fingers, or “tsk tsk” anyone.
I'm saying them to make a point.

When I hear the phrase - "vetting is wrong", "vetting is elitist", or "who are you to tell me I can't go to the party?!"...well. I can't say I care about the people who feel that way.

To believe that checking out someone taken into your home is "wrong", is naive. To believe that getting the background on a play partner is "elitist", is dangerous. And to not vet the people you bring into your personal life? That's criminal.

Does that sound harsh? Sorry, friend. You know my “compassion” and "brotherhood" for you, Mr and Ms. How-Dare-You? That pales in comparison to my concerns for my child. My partner. My home. My family, my church, and my career. In that order - and "brotherhood" with you is somewhere way down the list. Does that mean I’m a “bad” Dominant? That I’m undeserving of your respect?

Awesome. Didn’t want it anyway.

Who else is in your life right now? Brothers, sisters? Children, parents, friends, coworkers, neighbors, priests/pastors/ministers? Who else are you exposing to this person, who you picked up at a play party and who seems "alright" to you?

Vetting isn’t elitist. It isn’t cruel, it isn’t wrong, it isn’t racist, and it isn’t immoral.

It’s exclusive.
It excludes people. (Specifically, predators and wankers.)
It separates my life, from those who aren’t welcome. (See the bit about predators and wankers.)

End of Story.

Thank you for your listening.

“Vetting: The process, within underground communities, of verifying information about a person through trusted impartial sources. Verified information should (at least) include the person’s experiences, sanity, penis size, STD status, attendance of claimed events, status of vaginal barbering, reputation for outing others, observations of actual skill levels, drama-rating (on a scale of 1 to HELLsNO), breakfast preferences, and humorous anecdotes.”
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